Hula Hula Holiday

Hello dear Readers, I must apologise again for my lack of blogging in recent times.   I guess I have just been too busy living!  But I thought I would let you know what I’ve been up to and this may be of particular interest to anyone who is just going through or been through cancer treatment and feels like booking a much needed and deserved vacation/holiday.

My family and I have not long returned for a fabulous 2 weeks away in Orlando!! We went with some good friends, a whole family and stayed in a villa with its own pool, so there was plenty of room for us all and it was a much needed refuge from the craziness of the theme parks we frequented for most of our trip.

Now if you’ve had cancer treatment you will know that there is lots of talk out there about how hard it is, yet how very important it is, to get decent travel insurance before you go anywhere.   I have heard scare stories of it costing more than £300 to get cover, particularly when travelling to America.   However in my experience, it really isn’t like that.    I’ve had 2 trips abroad since finishing my treatment, once to Majorca and then this one - for both trips I found cover that was affordable and included all my ‘pre-existing medical conditions’.     The insurance for Orlando cost us £172 for 2 weeks for a family of 4.    It’s a fair amount I know, but certainly not an astronomical cost that would prevent us from going.    So if you are in a similar position to myself, please check out Medici Travel when looking around for quotes.

Another thing to consider if you are going on holiday and have had radiotherapy is you must keep your treated skin out of the sun.   I was told numerous times by various doctors and nurses that I must take extra precautions in the sun for at least the next 5 years, as the skin is very sensitive and liable to burn easily.    I take this very seriously as we all know what sunburned skin can turn into at any point later on – skin cancer.    I knew that we’d be out in the sun a lot on holiday, and probably in our swimming costumes a fair bit enjoying the villa pool or water parks, so I had to be prepared.    I decided to get a Rash Vest, it’s basically a t-shirt made from swimming costume fabric which has a high SPF factor, usually 30 or 50.   Now, trying to buy one that fits was rather challenging.   I started with the old faithful, Amazon.com, ordered my regular size, but when it arrived I could barely get it over my head and when I eventually did squeeze myself into it, it was not a good look and did nothing for my fragile self esteem, so I sent it packing.   Now unless you live in a surfers paradise (I’m thinking Torquay or somewhere like that), Rash Vests do not feature in the stock of your high street shops, so after making some enquiries of people in the know about such things, I found a very well stocked surf shop down in Hove and it was well worth the drive there as I got a Rash Vest I was able to fit into and almost feel good in.   It turned out that once I added sunshine and was standing amongst every body shape known to man in an Orlando water park I felt pretty darn good in it after all!!!   My little tip is to wear a one-piece swimming costume underneath, NOT a bikini, to help smooth out any lumps and bumps.

Me in 'the rash vest' doing the Hula with Lilo

So, aside from having this Holiday Of A Lifetime – which included swimming with dolphins and exotic sea life, dining at Cinderella’s Table (no less) in Magic Kingdom and whizzing upside down and every which way on roller coasters and crazy simulator rides – I have been getting fitter.   Keeping up my jogging/walking, yoga and kettlebell workouts (not whilst on holiday, I am NOT that disciplined!) and although I still have a way to go I know that I am stronger and fitter for it.    I’m entering the Race for Life again this year, and this time I intend on running it! All of it.    Even if it kills me – which of course it won’t, so bring.it.on.

When I’m not exercising, I am being Mum; cleaner, cook, peacekeeper, PA, researcher, counselor and carer.    Fortunately, and thanks to my wonderful Husband we are not desperate for money, so I don’t need to add another job to my plate – not yet anyway.  But I do spend time wondering what direction to go in next.   I am knocking on 40 and still have no idea what my vocation in life should be.   Oh well I am sure it will come to me eventually!  In the meantime I am going to keep getting fitter and improving on my Mummy skills, AND hopefully in the not too distant future, will be welcoming a new member to the family – a beautiful fluffy little puppy!!  Now that WILL keep me busy.   Watch this space!  X

Dear Donna

Dear Donna

The school is in mourning, some parents and pupils are shocked to hear of your passing, some are sad yet relieved as we know you can now rest and be at peace.   No more fighting it, no more pain and discomfort, no more frustration or fear.   Not for you.   You put up a good fight and have been such an amazing positive inspiration to us all.   You taught my son in his first 2 years of infant school, he was still a baby really and you took him under your wing, nurtured and taught him, making sure his school life got off to the best possible start.   I thank you for that.  You not only taught children but you taught adults, how to be better teachers themselves and better people.   When I was diagnosed you gave me a hug and offered your support and understanding.   You had such strength and grace throughout your battle against this wicked disease.   I only wish I could have known you better and for longer.

I'm so sad that cancer did this to you, and can imagine how hard it has been on your nearest and dearest.  But I like to think of you now, in a better place, somewhere out of this world, somewhere with beauty and love all around you.  Where your soul can rest and reflect on what an amazing person you were.  The school will never forget you and all that you did, you will always be in our hearts and minds.

Your cancer journey has made me determined to dig deep and keep fighting, putting my health and fitness first, so your suffering has not been in vain.

Sleep well now Donna, the Angels will take good care of you. xxx

SPREAD THE LOVE!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! to all my family and wonderful friends, blog followers and of course my loving husband,  I LOVE YOU ALL! and thanks for being in my life and making it richer.

I'm urging you to spread the love today, not just to your partner if you have one, but to anyone and everyone in your life whom you cherish.   Go for it, don't hold back, you might just make their day.

I am spreading the love this year because when I think about last year's Valentine's Day bad memories just come flooding back.    I spent Val Day last year at the hospital, having radioactive fluid injected into my breast and then preparing for my surgery the next day.  You can read more about this here.   I guess it wasn't all bad scary stuff as we did manage to squeeze in a Valentine's lunch in a proper restaurant.  You see, no matter how shit life is, there is always space for romance!

Come the evening though, I did feel sorry for myself as I was on Nil By Mouth and obviously full of anxiety about what the following day would bring.     Looking back at my posts about the operation I realise I didn't say too much, probably because I just couldn't think straight.  There was so much I could have said and I just felt overwhelmed by it all.    One lasting memory I have is of the medical staff.   Mainly the Anaesthetist - what a wonderful man!!  He was young, younger than me and just had the most amazing chirpy, confident manner about him.   You literally couldn't help but trust him with your life.     He talked about the general anaesthetic in terms of drinking wine, after the initial dose (first glass) I would feel chilled out and then as he topped it up (2nd glass and so on) I would feel all warm and very dozy, until quite quickly I would be out cold, as if I'd drunk a fair few bottles!   But I wouldn't have a hideous hangover, no banging headache or nausea when I awoke because of all the painkillers and anti nausea meds he would give me whilst in theatre.   He probably says the same thing to all his patients if they're of drinking age, but it really felt like he was taking care of ME and speaking to me in terms I would understand and appreciate.

So my operation is a distant memory now.   The scars are there and I doubt my boob will ever feel completely 'normal' again, but at least its lurgy free and I'm still fighting!

Another reason I have to spread the love today is my kids' school community need it.   We've had some very sad news yesterday but I'm going to write more about this in a separate post.... X

Memoirs of a Mammogram

I'm celebrating tonight! Today I had the dreaded Mammogram and survived to tell the tale.  This was my second one ever, basically it's a year since my breast cancer diagnosis and I was due a post treatment Mammogram to confirm all is well.    As you'll have seen from previous posts, I was dreading having this because the first one I had last February, hurt so much that I felt like asking for gas and air!   Plus obviously I have been anxious about what they might find.   Laying in bed at night, thinking I've found another lump ....not every night (I'm not obsessed with it) but at least once a week.    I coped with today's challenge by cleaning the house, browsing curtain fabrics with my dear Hubster, then popping 2 extra strong painkillers before heading to the hospital.   My wonderful husband always comes with me to these hospital appointments even when it's just a quick check up. His quiet strength and support means everything to me.
So, I'll cut to the chase - the Mammogram itself was basically like clamping your boobs in a vice, but I coped quite well with it and the painkillers definitely played their part.  The Radiographer was very kind and did all she could to help me relax and get it over as quickly as she could.   Usually you would have to wait a week or so for the results of the Mammogram, but as I was scheduled to then have an ultra sound scan on my scarred boob, the Doctor was able to view my Mammogram straight away and give me the results.    Whilst I'm laying there, in a state of undress waiting for him to come and see me, I thought I'd have another feel and see if that little lump I found on one of my sleepless nights was still there.   I found it straight away!  Pea sized and not far from from my scar site, there it was, the little bastard.   Trying not to freak out, I felt reassured by its small size and the fact that I would very soon find out if it was the dreaded C, back again, or just a little cyst or something.   So the Doctor came in and straight away said those precious words "Your mammogram looks fine".   He very quickly got to work covering my boob in gel (ooh Matron!).   Using the ultra sound doplar (I think that's what it's called) he pressed down on my lumpectomy scar and could see a dark area of fluid, which I had suspected was there and wanted rid of.   No problem he said, and was able to stick a needle into the area and drain it off.   He is sending the stuff he drained off to the Pathology lab, to check its nothing horrid, but he said he is confident that it's nothing to worry about.    I was elated to hear his reassuring words about the mammogram pictures, but still concerned about my little pea.  I pointed to where I could feel it and straight away he found it, pressing down hard on it with the doplar - ouch!  But looking at his monitor screen neither of us could see anything there.   Phew!  The
Doctor said any lumpiness that comes and goes is likely to be caused by the radiotherapy, so I don't need to worry.
I left the hospital feeling elated - I got the 'all clear'!   I just need to get to the 5 year mark all clear and I'm home dry - back to the same odds as anyone else of getting it again.  I shall sleep well tonight.

One year on....

Well I've made it through a year!  It's pretty much one year to the day since my cancer diagnosis.   To be precise, the diagnosis was 2nd Feb but by this point last year I had been to visit my GP and was awaiting my appointment at the One Stop Breast Clinic.    So, Happy "Cancerversary" to me!!! I say this in a sarcastic tone, because I really don't feel like celebrating.   Most of my posts are very positive, but right now I'm on a downer, so why pretend?   The bottom line is I still feel bitter and twisted about my diagnosis.  Feelings of why me? Which I know aren't healthy, nor helpful.   Obviously I am eternally grateful that my diagnosis wasn't worse.   All my treatment is done and dusted, they removed the cancer and zapped any remaining cells, then sent me on my way.   The problem is the fear.   The fear of IT returning and having to go through it all again.    My boob doesn't feel fine, it feels tender, lumpy in places and dry.  These are mostly side effects of the radiotherapy, but also of the lumpectomy which I had on 15th Feb 2012.   I was so hoping to be side effect free by now, but I guess I was kidding myself.

Whilst doing my best to focus on a new life, a cancer free, happy and healthy life, I obviously still need to have hospital check ups every now and then and one is looming next week.   I had a quick chat and examination at the clinic last week, where the Doctor says everything seems "fine" but just to be sure I'm lined up for a mammogram and ultra sound scan next Tuesday.    Now seeing as the mammogram I had on 2nd Feb 2012 hurt enough to make me cry, I am seriously dreading having one on my still tender tit, which is full of scar tissue.   My plan to cope with this is to dose myself up on some serious painkillers beforehand, fortunately my darling Husband will be there to dry my tears and drive me home.   It is a necessary evil, I need to know that my boobs are officially lump free.  I am having way too many rough nights sleep at the moment, constantly checking myself and imagining lumps and bumps which seem to disappear come the morning.  So, bring.it.on.

As I said, I'm doing my best to just get on and live a happy, healthy life.    I'm exercising, not every day, but 3 times a week, and if this rain would bugger off I would be doing more!  I am going to train to run 5k before I go on our special family holiday in April.   I will need all the strength and stamina I can get, cos did I mention... We're going to FLORIDA!!!! Whoop whoop!! Now there's a high note to sign off on! Xx

Happy Birthday to me!

Hello, I'm back - apologies for the massive gap in posts but y'know Christmas just got in the way. Plus, I haven't had that much to talk about really.    All is quiet on the cancer front.    The doctors aren't in any hurry to have me back for a check-up, even though they said they would - so early in January I got on the phone and chased them up, and the very efficient secretary sent me an appointment in the post 2 days later.  So my check-up back at the Breast Clinic is next Thursday.   I think it will probably just be a 'chat' and then they'll want me back again for a mammogram sometime in February.   Apparently they can't do one within a year of a breast operation.  Good job too, as a mammogram is painful enough without having tender scar tissue to contend with.  

So today is my birthday, I am the ripe old age of 39 - derr derr derrrrrrr!! Knock knock knocking on the BIG 4.0.    I don't care about what age I am at all, I care more about the age I feel!  and thanks to my efforts at getting fit during the past month or so, I feel about .... 35! Well its a start isn't it.

I have kept to my word about exercising - generally speaking....I have exercised between 3 & 5 times per week since my last post.    Apart from a week after Christmas where I felt under the weather, the lurgy was trying to get me, and it succeeded for a while.   However I got off lightly and bounced back after a day or two.    My trick for fighting the coughs and colds of winter is, as soon as you feel it coming on, dose yourself up on cold remedies, especially Night Nurse at bedtime but also boost the amount of veg you eat.   Green veg mainly, if you can stomach blitzing some greens (cucumber, spinach & rocket) along with water and a dash of lemon juice in a blender and making a Green Smoothie so much the better, because it really does help.   My husband says it tastes rank but I don't agree - you can practically taste the vitamins!

I really wish it wasn't so freezing cold out though, as I want to get running.  I've been using my new Wii Just Dance 4 game to burn some calories and get moving, plus I had my first session back at yoga after the Christmas break this week.  I have really missed it, and although I occasionally used my yoga App, it's not the same.   I love the way yoga slowly builds strength and stamina in your muscles whilst helping your mind to focus then relax in such a blissful way.   

Anyhow I have a new exercise craze to get into, which I'm really excited about - Kettlebells!!!  Basically it's weight training, but is increasing in popularity especially amongst women as it burns calories FAST.   In a 20 minute workout you can burn about 300 calories!  Sounds good to me.   This is the set of Kettlebells I received today for my birthday:

I won't be touching the 8kg one for a very long time (if ever), my hubbie can have that one!  But the 2 and 4 kg will definitely get some use.   As I have said before though, my main focus for all this exercise is to be fit, not thin.   I don't own a pair of scales, and like to keep it that way because I think it is easy to become obsessed about what you weigh.     Out of interest though, I stepped on the scales at Boots the other day.  I am 10 stone.   Which at 5ft 2" is just tipping into the "over weight" bracket, so I need to sort that out and get down to 9 stone at least.    Kettlebell training will burn the fat but also tone up my muscles - perfect.  So watch this space - I haven't actually done any yet!! Tomorrow will be day 1.

Bring.it.on.

On another note - New Year's resolutions, everyone should make them.   Mine are:

1.  Obviously, to get fit - I intend on running the 5k Race for Life this summer, without it killing me.

2.  Enjoy and savor time with my kids more.

3.  Not let other people's opinions of me/my choices in life affect me. 

4.  Live in the moment.

5.  Blog more regularly.

On that note, I will say farewell.   I have red wine and crispy duck on the menu for my birthday dinner!

Exercise and Me - One week in ...

I'm pleased to confirm that since Tuesday I kept going.    Yoga on Wednesday and then as the weather was wet and snowy on Thursday and Friday I did my Wii Just Dance.   Which my husband thinks is just dancing around but you do actually have to follow the routine and if you pick the songs with the higher sweat rating they do really get my heart going and leave me panting.   After doing 30 mins and just over 2000 'sweat points' on Thursday, which I was proud of, I told my BF who has been doing Just Dance workouts and others for over a year and she basically told me I should aim higher and sweat more.  2000 points didn't cut it with her!  You can read her diet blog here.    She's right to keep pushing me, and it worked.  On Friday I did over 3000 points and finally felt that so far illusive, adrenaline rush!!   I was knackered and wanting to stop but I kept pushing myself and then I was flying - not literally.   But I felt the 'rush' of a new burst of energy, and then felt ecstatic to have beaten my target.

I've been very disciplined about fitting my exercise in.  Even on Thursday which was a very busy day for me, I had been Christmas shopping around town in the morning and usually that would be enough to knacker me out for the rest of the day.  But I came home, had some lunch and then got down to it.  Yesterday was a rest day, and then today at about 9.15 a.m I donned my new running shoes and off I went!   The weather this morning was perfect for it, dry and cool, not cold.  I've also bought one of those handy ipod holders you can strap to your arm.  So as you run you have your favourite tunes on and I also use the App mapmyride to measure how far I have been. So this morning I set the App to walk mode, but I ran approx 40% of my walk.  This is only my second trip out, attempting to run, and my running bursts felt good, a bit longer than the first time and much more comfy thanks to my new trainers.

I covered 4.05km in 34 minutes.   Walking doesn't burn many calories unfortunately, but I definitely worked up a sweat and came home invigorated, yet breathless, and ruddy faced!!   My aim is to build up my running bursts so that I am running at least 60% of the time.    Fingers crossed the weather in the coming week is dry as I much prefer to be out exercising than indoors.   I forgot to get myself weighed but will do so soon. Onwards and upwards!   I'll leave you with a new photo of me, check out the hair growth!!