The last 3-4 days my hair has been shedding a fair bit. I had been hopefully thinking it would slow down or stop, but it’s the not knowing that has finally got to me. Plus, this morning on the way to the hospital I had a bad headache and I just could not bear the thought of sitting with the cold cap on for 4 hours!! Wondering and waiting to see if I will lose all my hair has been causing me considerable stress and worry, and it has been falling out bit by bit anyway, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. Enough wondering and worrying, I declined the cold cap at chemo today and it was such a relief!!! My DH has a set of clippers he uses regularly on his own head, so very shortly he will be shaving my head! And maybe we can even get the kids to help! They are naturally quite worried about having a baldy for a mum, so hopefully if they can see it happening or even help it will be less of a shock for them.
Now that I have decided what to do and am taking action, at the moment at least, I feel good about it. Once its done I am sure I will shed a few tears and it will take a while to get used to the chilly feeling! My DH will obviously have to get his head around it too! As he rightly said “I look at you more than you do!”
The deed is done! My DH has shaved my head to a number 4. He had to be brave too. So I now look like I am joining the army, or like I’m ready to join the Gay Pride March (sorry I’m not usually one for stereotyping people but in this case, it’s true – see pic!)
So I was very brave going out on the school run for the first time wearing Honey – she is a honey blond bob, a little too ‘big’ for my liking but not bad. My lovely mates at the school playground were very supportive. Honey is rather itchy though, especially at the back of my neck. I’m much happier with a head scarf or hat on, but then my appearance does tend to scream “cancer patient” rather loudly! – it’s much easier to blend in with a wig on although I feel more self conscious.
My kids have been a bit unsettled by my dramatic change of appearance. They didn’t get off to sleep til nearly 9.45 p.m last night! But that could be Easter excitement too. They definitely prefer it when I cover my head up, though my son (age 7) is rather embarrassed by it all, bless him. It will take them time to adjust.
Tomorrow will bring a new hurdle - injecting myself in the belly with a drug called GCSF which will boost my white blood cells and hopefully avoid another stay in hospital after day 10. I'll let you know how I get on! xx