Well I've made it through a year! It's pretty much one year to the day since my cancer diagnosis. To be precise, the diagnosis was 2nd Feb but by this point last year I had been to visit my GP and was awaiting my appointment at the One Stop Breast Clinic. So, Happy "Cancerversary" to me!!! I say this in a sarcastic tone, because I really don't feel like celebrating. Most of my posts are very positive, but right now I'm on a downer, so why pretend? The bottom line is I still feel bitter and twisted about my diagnosis. Feelings of why me? Which I know aren't healthy, nor helpful. Obviously I am eternally grateful that my diagnosis wasn't worse. All my treatment is done and dusted, they removed the cancer and zapped any remaining cells, then sent me on my way. The problem is the fear. The fear of IT returning and having to go through it all again. My boob doesn't feel fine, it feels tender, lumpy in places and dry. These are mostly side effects of the radiotherapy, but also of the lumpectomy which I had on 15th Feb 2012. I was so hoping to be side effect free by now, but I guess I was kidding myself.
Whilst doing my best to focus on a new life, a cancer free, happy and healthy life, I obviously still need to have hospital check ups every now and then and one is looming next week. I had a quick chat and examination at the clinic last week, where the Doctor says everything seems "fine" but just to be sure I'm lined up for a mammogram and ultra sound scan next Tuesday. Now seeing as the mammogram I had on 2nd Feb 2012 hurt enough to make me cry, I am seriously dreading having one on my still tender tit, which is full of scar tissue. My plan to cope with this is to dose myself up on some serious painkillers beforehand, fortunately my darling Husband will be there to dry my tears and drive me home. It is a necessary evil, I need to know that my boobs are officially lump free. I am having way too many rough nights sleep at the moment, constantly checking myself and imagining lumps and bumps which seem to disappear come the morning. So, bring.it.on.
As I said, I'm doing my best to just get on and live a happy, healthy life. I'm exercising, not every day, but 3 times a week, and if this rain would bugger off I would be doing more! I am going to train to run 5k before I go on our special family holiday in April. I will need all the strength and stamina I can get, cos did I mention... We're going to FLORIDA!!!! Whoop whoop!! Now there's a high note to sign off on! Xx